Had a wonderful weekend of sorts. I found some really really good deals at the garage sale this year. Found sleeping bags for Rachael and Lawrence for $2 and really good clean ones. Found a froggy raincoat for rachael which lawrence can wear too. Yay and lots and lots of story books and a lovely prayer book. All in all a good day. Rachael was very pleased too.. she got a great hat from zoe.. pink cowboy that looks great on her and is something I would have normally not picked. This morning both she and lawrence looked all cute dressed up for the cold day. And stopped by target and got rachael some nice snow boots, another winter cap, gloves and some long socks! I think we're done for winter. Only need to find some warm pants for her

Today was our first parent teacher meeting for Rachael. I let Tom go to it because he needs to be as much a part of their school life as I am. He loved it. I think he wasn't sure about it in the beginning. But when he called me post conference he was happy he went. Apparently Rachael LOVES LEGO blocks. Who knew. She also LOVES talking on the phone. She makes a phone from LEGO blocks and then proceeds to call her Nana. Must remember to get some Lego blocks if I can at the garage sale this Saturday. Other than that she's adjusted. It's now 5 months that she's back in day care and we've all fallen into happy routine. Rachael now talks and plays with the other kids and on occasion beats them up or cries... depending on her mood. At home she's blossomed with Lawrence. Yesterday Devin's mom said she thought Rachael was great playing with Lawrence when I dropped them off in the morning. Go Rachael. For his part her little BRATHER adores her. I think he will copy everything she does. I know he is just itching to go chasing after her. Lawrence is growing well too. He has the largest ears I've ever seen. Mama says it's a sign of how clever he is. I hope that translates to great grades in school. Lately Rachael and me have been doing a lot of reading together. Right now she loves Llama Llama red pajama. and yesterday climbed up to the windows and beat the monster together. She's so funny and cute at the same time. And her imagination has REALLY taken off. Also went on our first family vacation this month - Sleeping Bear Dunes Michigan. Here's an old post from my WW website. And my weight is dropping too. 168.5 now.

09/16/2009 10:35:07 AMIt's a jungle out there...Going down the MONK route

I watched the new Jay Leno show last night. Part of it.. (the other part I was cleaning formula puke off the floor, but that's another story). And I happened to watch the Uninvited guest - Jim norton. I thought he was funny ... atleast his take on the whole germophoiab thing going on... and then this morning I walked into work and there in the pantry there was a giant and I really mean stand alone giant hand sanitizing dispenser... In the pantry of all places.. come on people. We heat our food there I really don't like the mix of hot food smells and chemicals. So what is this obsession with germs... I heard someone from my team say she was glad they finally got the dipenser, but I didn't have the courage to ask her why she deemed it necessary... so any germ phobes out there who can share your point of view... please do. I really do want to understand what I'm missing... In the mean time we'll go down the 'Monk' route.

09/17/2009 11:55:47 AM Getting old and young in one breath:

Getting old and young in one breath:Lately I've found myself thinking in what my opinion like an old person. And this morning it clicked in again. I realised that I had started to resent change, and love routine. I can still remember very very clearly the requirements for my first job - Had to be non boring, and I always prided myself on the ability to change - Change is the only constant was my belief. Lately though .. and I mean post babies I find myself resenting any change.. anything at all.. even the smallest microscopic ones. Like this morning we were all dressed and ready to leave for work and at the last moment I decided to give Lawrence some teething stuff... Bad move he upchucked all over himself and me and there went my routine. I had to literally tell myself to 'Throw it off!! " and not get upset about it. I wasn't upset with him, but with myself for changing my routine. What happened to the girl who would just really be able to shrug it off as part of life and not DWELL on it. And yet ... I feel young sometimes... part of me feels like Life is just beginning. It's wonderful being a mom to 2 kids. I see the future with tons and tons of vacations, going camping and hand made carLawrence, and playing dress up and all the things I remember doing with my parents... Rachael and I spent a wonderful time last night just reading and reading and reading books. She loves them. I love being a relatively young mom (okay I'm 34 so that's not really young, but I'm sticking with it). I love the idea that WW is going to take me back to where I was (body wise) and that helps the young girl image. So what changed..lol.. When and Why did I go from being 'Able to just go with the flow' to 'Going nuts when things didn't get done just exactly right'. Any ideas?

09/21/2009 4:29:40 PM

I went for a walk today. A long walk. It was cool and pleasant and I prayed. I haven't been able to pray for a long time. I was brought up in prayer and in my 34 years I have found that when I pray I am better able to cope. Better able to focus. Yet I always find a way to put it on the back burner. Very very simmilar to what I do with my weight. Praying is good my my soul, Exercising is good for my body and yet I find ways to skip them both. So I suffer in mind and body. I'm trying to get back to praying. We've been blessed in so many ways. Today I read some hard blogs and it helped to remind me that there is a Plan and I must trust it. I do believe there is a Plan. But the questioner in me always wonders how will I know what is part of the plan and what isin't. And funnily I suppose it's ALL part of the Plan. What isin't is the stress I take for it.

09/01/2009 10:50:19 AM Holding out for some hope

Had the most awful day yesterday. It started terribly at work.... and got even worse as the day progressed. Stress at work I can deal with... I expect that and I know how to handle it. But after my work day I look forward to picking up my kids... and spending time with them. Instead yesterday I walked into a complaint box ... Lawrence's teacher and me... we love each other.. we're completely different but her strengths complement my weakness.. Even when she has bad news to deliver .. she just knows how to do it. Rachael's teacher on the other hand JUST PUSHES ALL THE WRONG BUTTONS. Sad part is that it's been 4 months now.. and we can't seem to find a balance.. I've been ignoring all the signs in the hope that atleast Rachael was happy but as a chicago winter approaches I really have no patience for a teacher who just waits to complaint. Long story short communication completely failed last evening... and I've finally asked for a switch in teacher. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Today at noon we have a meeting to try and clear up the air. I hope it works. I know my own personal strength is to see things from all angles.. my own personal weakness is I have no patience for excuses. I really don't want an explanation I want a solution... Come to me with a solution and how we can put it into place... we can go round and round and round talking about why what and how... but just tell me how we can fix it. Anyways the whole fiasco from yesterday led to a VERY stressful night... How do you guys do it. How do you go on. Sometimes I feel like a supreme failure as a mom. I don't know what to do. I can't decide if daycare is best for my kids, or a nanny or if I should quit my job and stay home.. okay that's not really an option..but I still feel guilt about it.. And does it ever end. I know Tommy and me are longing for a quite week where we don't have to deal with something or the other... More work, tenants, kids sick, layoffs ... does it ever get easier. All you parents out there.. I'm looking for some hope.. what do I hold out for... when the going gets rough what do I cling too....
Thankyou all who comments/walled for your encouragement. I just got back from our meeting and it went reasonably well. We got the new teacher that we asked for. So what did the meeting achieved. It made me realise just how important it is to say the right thing at the right time with the right worLawrence. Rachael's teacher seems to think that I think she's a bad teacher. I don't. If I did I would have had her out of there in a second. I do think she's a bad communicator. Which is why for the last 4 months I've been grinning and bearing it. But bad communication leads to a lot of problems and unformtunately doesn't go away. And English not being a first language is really not an excuse. There's so many ways to communicate. Anyways tonight I will rest easy.... mentally ... cause I know I've done the best I can for Rachael. And we will have fun preparing for our week long vacation that starts come Saturday. YAY. Can't wait.

09/15/2009 3:42:38 PM Vacation : September 2009

As vacations go our trip to Sleeping Bear dunes (MI) was wonderful... It was our first family vacation since Lawrence and one we were quite apprehensive about, but in desperate need of. But the thing we feared most - the LONG drive up there around the lake, turned out to be nothing. It's amazing what singing songs, crayola pens & paper and a portable dvd will do to help the hours pass faster for a toddler. It was a good vacation and an eye opening one in many ways. I realised that this was it. That our family was complete and I could now go ahead and plan vacations based on age for the next 5, 10, 15 years.. Okay so I love planning and with the limited amount of vacation that American employers give you I just have soooo much ground to cover ... that planning is the only way. Anyways back to vacation. I rested. Tommy was grand. He fed Lawrence in the nights, took Rachael off my hands whenever she had a moment, bbqued, built fires.. and even loved me despite my tantrums on vacation. Okay I have tantrums on vacation too. We just lay on the beach day after day after day... built sand castles, tanned, spent time with each other. It was so rejuvenating. I didn't realise just how much of a toll last winter, the pregnancy, Tommy's layoff, new job etc had taken on me. Rachael just blossomed. She misses us during the work week and she just loved all the time she got to spend with us. She's getting to be a great little girl (most of the time). She finally LOVES her brother..lol.. Not bad.. only 6 months down ... and loves playing with him and teaching him stuff.. the occasional wacks he got from her lasted only a couple of months.. I'm so glad. If you have kids and are in the midwest area I totally recommend this place. What I would do differently - Get a house in Frankfort instead of Beluah. Frankfort is on lake Michigan, and the shores are so much more suited to little children... gentle slope et al. Get a house on the beach and make sure it's actually on the beach ... Get a house relatively close to civilization - while the peace and quiet were fantastic - having to drive 6-10 miles for pizza was a bit much. I did however love seeing humming birds (it's the first time I saw some.. never realised they were so tiny). If you don't have children it's still a great .. even better place.. and this was the eye opening part. Tommy and I missed our alone time. Just the ability to sit quietly with each other and enjoy the silence without it being constantly peppered with 'What's this mom', or a 'Lets play mom', or a 'Come on dad I want to go'.. We missed not being able to go canoeing on the lake. We missed being able to go out on treks (we forgot to carry our baby backpack, and while Rachael walks Lawrence in a stroller just didn't cut it)... basically we saw a whole lot of young people doing the stuff we did about 3 years back and felt kind of nostalgic... yes yes I know ... kids bring a whole other dimension to life... and I love it... I just sometimes miss the old days.

08/26/2009 11:41:28 AM: Awarness

I learnt something today. People aren't annoying... they're just not aware. Tommy went me with to drop off the kids to daycare today cause it's RAINING!!!! non stop here today.. so between formula, a 5 month old, 2 umbrellas and a 2.5 year old who loves puddles I knew I just needed him to haul **** with us.... Anyways long story short.. we were leaving the daycare and coming towards us was another father with a baby in 1 hand, a bag full of diapers and stuff in the other and a 3 year old.... Tommy just walked out of the door and downwards without a second glance... I hung back smiled and held the door open for the parent. And that's it. Do you know just how many times I've had people do that to me.. walk away without holding the door open when I'm struggling. The funny part is that by nature Tommy is very very chivalrous... and will go out of his way to help people..he will clear the snow for our neighbour who's a single lady and the opp neighbour who's old... and help in so many different ways.. and then I realised... he didn't see a parent struggling.. he just saw a man and walked on.... Don't know why I blogged this today. It just struck me... and I wanted to write it down..... Oh and I found the answer to not weighing in daily... WAKE UP LATE... and then scramble as fast as you can to get the kids ready, breakfast, showers... all the while having conversations with Tommy ... and hustling him too.. there just wasn't a thought for the scale..lol.. See I'm sure I can do it tomorrow.. although I'm not sure Rachael likes having a jiffy shower ..lol..