Simple Joys

We had a good weekend. Sunday was especially nice. We sat at the dinner table for lunch and dinner, and Rachael loved it. We haven't done much table sittings ... we just assumed she would be easier to handle on the floor so we generally squatted with her... but the good news is that she ate her meals really well, said grace with us (holding our hands), and didn't trouble at all. Small surprises are the best ones. She's growing up so fast too. She knows there's a baby in my belly and she kisses him now. And yesterday took her colours and decided to draw him a picture on my belly... but then her eyes gleamed ... and next thing I new she was whacking my stomach with her little palms.. It was too funny but I did remember to tell her 'No honey, no hitting the baby. Hands are to say nice baby'. Then she rubs my belly again. She loves playing ... and she can turn everything into a fun thing. Eg. She'll start by drawing on her easel and graduate to drawing on her arms and legs and cheeks and she just looks to cute lately with all that colour and her hair all tossed and her nose running (thankfully the walls have not been the recipient of her art as yet)

Thanksgiving:
I'm already thinking about thanksgiving. No not the food laden tables... that actually has no appeal for me. I'm Indian married to an American and while I love a good burger, 'turkey and mashed potatoes' doesn't ring my bell. Anyways, I am looking forward to seeing Tom's extended family again. We try to meet up during the year but somehow we never do. So Thanksgiving is a time we all make that special effort and come together. Rachael will see her great grandfather again which will be lovely.
This year we have so much to be thankful for. A new baby on the way, sonia's wedding, a new house to live in, a short commute to work, good tenants renting from us, good neighbours, Rachael growing up strong and healthy, nana coming this winter, and best of all a marriage still filled with love and passion.

Gloomy Friday:

I looked at our retirement plans today and wished I hadn't. Our 401K's have more than halved. People tell us that we're young. we till have the next 20-30 more years to work and save. But my whole being revolts at the lost savings. Not the money that we made on top, just the money we actually invested. Our hard earned money. I'm ready to cry now. Plan for the future : Let the stock market go back up. When it does and we make our money back, move it into Stable value funds. Yes they don't make much but atleast our funding remains safe. Given that we have the next 20 -30 work years left I can totally imagine another economic downturn or two. From now one I'm sticking our greens in CD's, stable funds and real estate. Some days I feel trapped and frustated. We invested our money wisely, now that the economy is down and the possibilty arises that we made need it, it's gone. So living frugally makes no sense. Because right now with all the bailouts the government is planning on taxing me more to save the very companies which lost my earnings. So I don't get it. Yes the argument is that it will keep jobs in the country, and I'm all for it, but how are the companies paying for their own lack of foresight. The CEO's and the financial teams that make the giant pays and have the home in Lake Forest and Winnetka... who have lost my hard earned money, how are they affected by this. When I first started working in america, everyone told me how important it was to save for retirement. I had not even turned 30 and there was all this talk of how we had to save when we were young for when we were old. And I bought into it. What a crock. I'm not a spendthrift by any means, I do save my money. But I was used to saving it in CD's or savings accounts. I didn't understand 401 K's and stock plans. I read as much as I could on it and tried my best to do my homework. All articles said invest instocks if you're young, and stables if your older... Now I regret it. We no longer not have our retirement money, but we don't even have the memories of the fun times if we had spent our money and travelled.

Stress in the time of joy

I just began writing down the many blessings we have received this year as part of my thanksgiving blog, and Boom, Tom came home on Friday and said he lost his job. It's hard losing a job at any time but right now seems to be the worst. I'm pregnant with our second baby, we just bought our second home, while renting out the first, and the economy is in shambles. I'm trying very hard not to be scared and unfortunately failing miserably. Most of all I want to sit down and have a good cry. I'm not sure what I'm crying about. I can't put it into words. But everyime my sisters or ma try to give me courage and reassure me, all i feel like doing is breaking down and crying. The only one who helped is donna. She called and happily chatted about her upcoming holiday and didn't say a word. It felt wonderful to focus on her life instead of my own. She's the youngest but by far the most intutive knowing exactly how to handle me. ThankGod.
God, I think one of the reasons I'm terrified this time is I'm not sure he's going to help. 2 years back when Tom got laid off from Abbott I think I was closer to God. I prayed a lot. Tom went to his meetings, we went to mass and we just seemed to be closer to him. This year, He seems very far away. He blessed us so much...but we hardly prayed to him. We hardly went to mass or made time to pray at home. And that's what's terrifying me. Last time it took Tom over 6 months to find another job. This time if God isin't on our side how much longer. And the sad part is I don't know how to say sorry to Him. I really need him right now, but I'm ashamed of facing him. I can't even look up into his eyes. I read a book this morning. 5 minutes of prayer. And it helped. Simply it said that while our faith may not move mountains we have enough of it to be handrails. Right now I have to dust off the handrails and hold on. And some how be humble enough to say I'm sorry. I have to pray that He helps me find my way back to him. For us as a family to come back to him and to know he is there for us.

Fear of the unknown:

I cried on the phone yesterday while chatting with my ma. She didn't know cause I've got a horrible cold and cough anyways... so she put all the sniffling down to that. But I'm afraid. Next year at this time I'll have 2 little bunnies. Rachael will be almost 3 and Lawrence will be 9 months. I fear the winters in Chicago. This week we've all been down with the cough, cold and fever. Last year around Christmas we were all miserably ill. How I survived last year I'll never know. This year I tell myself my ma will be here soon. 3 more weeks. She's coming to stay with us for 6 months to help with Rachael through this winter.

I feel better today. I tell myself that next year I won't be pregnant. Yes I'll have 2 little bunnies.. but I live so much closer to work now. The drive will be marginal and Rachael will be a great elder sister helping me in every way I can possibly imagine. I hope she realises all the hopes I have for her being a good mother's helper..lol.. I must remember this year to make my own ma happy. I take her for granted completely believing she lives to make me happy. And while that may be wonderful to know your children feel they can count on you, I'm sure it would be even better if they didn't take you for granted..lol..

A Mind of her Own

Carol the other teacher in Rachael's room complained today. Okay from Carol it's not new... but this time I was amused. Apparently she told Rachael not to take her sock and shoes off and my 18 month imp proceeded to stare her down and do just that. Saving grace was she tucked her socks nicely into her shoes so they wouldn't get lost. I have to admit a secret part of me was glad she stood up for herself. The parent in me hopes she always up for herself as she grows up and does what she thinks is right... the mother in me is terrified of the times when she will stand up to me..How will I cope. I grew up with what is considered a very broad minded childhood in India but apparently a very strict one in the US. How will I know what to do with Rachael as she grows up. Will I morph into my own mother and lay down the law allowing some concessions, will I watch the other parents and teach myself 'While in America do as the americans' ... what ever road I go down I hope when she's 30 Rachael loves and adores me as much as I do my own ma.

We're having a boy. Rachael gets to be an elder sister in 4 months. I'm sure it's a role she will take too with the emphasis on ELDER. She's really looking forward to it. Atleast we think she is. She loves to pat my tummy and say baby... and then she pats her own little one and goes baby too .. I think she knows. We've been talking to her about it. Lawrence is going to the be first boy on my side of the family. I grew up with 3 sisters, so my mum is a pro with girls and she's was a treasure when Rachael was born. This time we're wondering what we'll do with the boy. She's coming to help me again with Lawrence.. but I already have all her tasks mapped out for her. She gets to potty train Rachael, and break the milk bottle habit... both which i have tried unsuccessfully due to my own need for an easy life. Rachael will happily drink her wa wa's and juice from a regular cup..but I've refrained from breaking the milk habit.. It's so easy in the morning when I'm rushing late for work just to give her a bottle and know how much she's had instead of folowing her around with the cup everywhere... and we've tried potty too. She's sitting on it... but so far no wins... The good thing is she knows when she wants to go .. and she'll hold her pipi and go susu... but then nothing... Some day soon... we'll have success... She loves to 'flush' her potty and get her own piece of toilet paper..lol.. I love having a little girl... and even though she's primarily dada's girl, mama gets loads of lip kissus when she wants her boos (books) read or her tubee (t.v.)

New Beginnings

This is my new blog page. Possibly my third in the past few months. I've wanted to start blogging consistently and yet it never seems to happen. And then today I read a blog and it was so full of positive energy only to learn the blogger used it to reiterate the joys in her life. And I couldn't help but think that it would be a wonderful mode of therapy for me too. Especially over the next few months.

We had a wonderful day yesterday. I walked into daycare to see my little girl running around playing catching cook with 4 boys and they were all roaring with laughter. For a constantly guilt ridden day care mom that was wonderful. She's growing up so quickly. Then we went home to the park for an hour and another 30 minutes playing with Isaac and Judy (the baby sitter) in their yard. It's November in Chicago and we're having 70 degree weather. How can we not take advantage of that. Ofcourse it left me feeling exhausted since I'm now getting bigger. I do love having a yard though. The house was the best investment we made for our growing famiy. We can play with Rachael everytime the sun comes out and she's thriving with all the neighbourhood kids and dogs..lol. And Tom loves it. There's no more complaining about the neighbours above us. No more me grumbling about the long drive from work to home with Rachael. It's just so wonderful. Thankyou Lord for the blessing you shower us with.