I'm having wonderful days at home. The last 2 days have been really good. No sleep but good. Rachael is growing up much too fast. I'm trying to get rid of the guilt. I feel gulity if I spend good time with Lawrence, that rachael is not getting any attention. And then I spend time with Rachael and feel guilty that Lawrence is growing up on his own. I wonder if I read this blog years from now if I will find that there is an underlying thread of guilt in all my blogs. I must give up and just enjoy life. I'm trying. So much is happening at the moment ... I'm trying so hard to live in the moment. Can you imagine I don't have my visa for India as yet, and I haven't bought a dress for Rachael yet, and we're already in July. The wedding is just 6 months away. Okay laugh. The tickets were bought in May. Right now I'm focussing and pining for our michigan vacation. 1 week. 1 whole week away. We have never ever done this. Gone away for a week on vacation. I don't know what prompted it. But I'm glad we decided to do it. And last night we invited Lea and Tracy to join. Okay post invitation I had regret pangs wishing it was just tom me rachael and lawrence, but I know in my head that it will be good for both the kids to spend time with grandpa. Life pass us by much too soon.
This morning we had a cute moment. There was a centipede in Lawrence's room - dead - but I think I stamped it by mistake and it freaked me out. Not that I killed it but that I had stepped on a creepie crawlie. I screamed - tommy a centipede, and Rachael came running.... with her little princess dress up shoe in her hand - yelling I kill it mama I kill it. It really was too funny and too cute. Tom had just nailed a moth on the wall, and she saw him. And it was just so cute that she wanted to save me ...Okay she would have too if it wasn't already dead, so there she was my precious 2 year old slamming her little heal on the already dead centipede and it stuck to her shoe.. which she promptly brought and showed me - Look mama I killed it.