I just began writing down the many blessings we have received this year as part of my thanksgiving blog, and Boom, Tom came home on Friday and said he lost his job. It's hard losing a job at any time but right now seems to be the worst. I'm pregnant with our second baby, we just bought our second home, while renting out the first, and the economy is in shambles. I'm trying very hard not to be scared and unfortunately failing miserably. Most of all I want to sit down and have a good cry. I'm not sure what I'm crying about. I can't put it into words. But everyime my sisters or ma try to give me courage and reassure me, all i feel like doing is breaking down and crying. The only one who helped is donna. She called and happily chatted about her upcoming holiday and didn't say a word. It felt wonderful to focus on her life instead of my own. She's the youngest but by far the most intutive knowing exactly how to handle me. ThankGod.
God, I think one of the reasons I'm terrified this time is I'm not sure he's going to help. 2 years back when Tom got laid off from Abbott I think I was closer to God. I prayed a lot. Tom went to his meetings, we went to mass and we just seemed to be closer to him. This year, He seems very far away. He blessed us so much...but we hardly prayed to him. We hardly went to mass or made time to pray at home. And that's what's terrifying me. Last time it took Tom over 6 months to find another job. This time if God isin't on our side how much longer. And the sad part is I don't know how to say sorry to Him. I really need him right now, but I'm ashamed of facing him. I can't even look up into his eyes. I read a book this morning. 5 minutes of prayer. And it helped. Simply it said that while our faith may not move mountains we have enough of it to be handrails. Right now I have to dust off the handrails and hold on. And some how be humble enough to say I'm sorry. I have to pray that He helps me find my way back to him. For us as a family to come back to him and to know he is there for us.
God, I think one of the reasons I'm terrified this time is I'm not sure he's going to help. 2 years back when Tom got laid off from Abbott I think I was closer to God. I prayed a lot. Tom went to his meetings, we went to mass and we just seemed to be closer to him. This year, He seems very far away. He blessed us so much...but we hardly prayed to him. We hardly went to mass or made time to pray at home. And that's what's terrifying me. Last time it took Tom over 6 months to find another job. This time if God isin't on our side how much longer. And the sad part is I don't know how to say sorry to Him. I really need him right now, but I'm ashamed of facing him. I can't even look up into his eyes. I read a book this morning. 5 minutes of prayer. And it helped. Simply it said that while our faith may not move mountains we have enough of it to be handrails. Right now I have to dust off the handrails and hold on. And some how be humble enough to say I'm sorry. I have to pray that He helps me find my way back to him. For us as a family to come back to him and to know he is there for us.
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