It's been a while since I posted. Much has changed.. well not terribly but enough. I changed my blogging website page name. I was feeling trapped. I started this blog as my diary, then I got guilt tripped that I wasn't sending mama enough info on the kids so I shared it since I really don't have time to write long emails. But I couldn't write how I was feeling any more. In reality. It all had to be thought and rethought out. So here I am blogging again truly.
We had a good weekend. Lately weekends seem like they go on .. in a good way. They're full and long. But then during the weekday, weekends seem like they passed in a blur. We went for the parade. Rachael got a couple of candy pieces. Her big thing at the moment is BATMAN. I thik it's Devin. Some days she says she's batman, some days she says Devin is batman. And the other day she said, she likes Devin now because he doesn't bite anymore. For her sake I'm glad. She does walk into the room more confidently. Today I saw a mum outside almost in tears. I tried to tell her to take heart and that it does get better. I wonder if it helped. Things have gotten better for Rachael at daycare I think. She's had a couple of 'ACCIDENTS' with waiting too long to pee and not telling her teacher. Hopefully that will change as time passes. I think she's still scared of Shenaz. But otherwise I think she's getting used to being the big sister, going to school and taking Lawrence with her.
We're trying to do more as a family too. This Sunday I think we're going to look at horses. There's a farm up north that has show horses and I should really book the tickets so there's no backing down.
I'm trying to figure out why exactly I'm angry. Probably because I tried to keep my mouth shut and I opened it anyway. The problem doesn't lie with what I have to say because I always have a valid point. Always. I've mulled over it in my head before I can speak. The problem occurs with how I speak it. The first sentence or paragraph will be delivered in a calm rational manner. But let someone dispute it with just an inkling of patronization and my horrible horrible side comes into play. Then all the dogs come out and I tend to snap heads. I don't know what it achieves except making me feel horrible, like a big lug or a bull in a glass shop. I cannot understand why I cannot stay calm, rational, friendly and kind during the whole exchange. I really must try and change the way I speak. Remember KIND KIND KIND.
I just realized that I originally started this blog with the thought process that I would count my blessings in it. Keep record of it, so that on hard days I coukd turn to it as a refresher. Instead it has some how morphed into a whine session. The good part is I caught it. I have to focus on positive energy.
Lawrence is becoming a charmer. He pushed his bottle out of his mouth this morning and looked up at me with the cutest smile ever! I swear I felt my heart MELT. I wonder how long before he tries it on the teachers. He does adore Rachael. He follows her with his eyes and talks to her. She for her part love his, most ..lol.. of the time. Sometimes I have to stop the love..lol.. it gets too strong.. She doesn't realise how strong she is. Today I will be good to my children. I will read stories to them and spend some time playing with them. Time passes too soon.