Strawberry plantings.

I need a pick me up today. I feel really down. there's just so much happening. I'm taking Rachael's daycare the hardest. I want to call every single hour to check on her. Today I've limited it to once a day. Yesterday i called thrice. I just want to hear that she's playing, enjoying herself. She always cried when I left her at daycare, but she always seemed to have so much fun when she was there before... and didn't want to go home. Now it seems like she just can't wait to go home. When I call I can hear her in the background crying. It's amazing how a mother can pick her daughter's cry out. I guess she's doing the best she can... she's crying a little less, participating a little more. Naptimes apparently are the worst and she falls asleep sitting on her cot but won't lay down. I wish I could hold her, or somehow explain to her what is happening. Tonight we're going to plant strawberries. She got it as a gift for her birthday, and she's learning about plants at daycare so it seems like the ideal way to spend some time together.

Change in career path.

I'm considering a change in my career. It seems the ideal time to do it. the company I work with announced lay offs at the beginning of the year, and we know there will be layoffs again at the end of this year. I wasn't in the first round and for that I was grateful. I don't know if I will be in the second. If I did get laid off it seems like it would be a good time for a career change. I don't think I want to be an oracle dba any more. It's good money. Hell it's really good money and I'm relatively good at it. But there's no passion any more. And I want to spend more time with my family. Tom's got a good job now and good benefits. The downside is that he works the afternoon shift. We're hoping that he does really well and gets lots of promotions and makes lots of money..lol.. I'm not entirely sure I want the career change. I know I want it because I'm tired of doing oracle. I don't find it fasinating or interesting like the other dbas and I don't really have a desire to learn more of it. But I'm not sure what exactly I would like to change careers into. Lately there seems to be a fasciantion with being a teacher. Not so much the fasination of teaching because I have no clue what I would teach, but more the fasination with the summers off to spend time with my 2 monkeys. They will have entire summers off for a few years and it would be wonderful to spend it with them instead of the measly 3 weeks I get. On the other hand I don't know what the pay is, if I would get a job in the close vicinity of my home, the cost of getting a teaching degree and what I would teach... maybe I need to research this a bit. Another idea I've toyed with for a while... actually since years is a business analyst. I find being a liason great. I prefer pouring through documents and understanding a business needs and then translating that to an IT person, more than actually being the IT person it's translated to. Maybe I need to research this too. Anyways theres no change for the immediate future... so I can play it by ear.

Resuming Daycare

Rachael is taking daycare really badly. I didn't expect it because she went to the same place as an infant and then as a toddler... but the 6 month break has upset her. Friday was her first day back. She cried some but had a relatively good day. We went to the store and got a big box of sidewalk chalks. Then Monday was a horror. She cried the whole day, didn't have her snack and didn't have any lunch. When I picked her up her eyes were red and swollen but she seemed okay. She showed me how she pulled her sleeves up and washed her hands after potty, then wiped them on paper and threw it in the garbage bin. I was so proud of her. This morning she took bear to school with her. She didn't want to go, and bear seemed to make the ordeal more bearable. It's a few hours since she's been there and I've called a couple of times. So far she's cried some, taken a break, walked around holding her teacher's hand, slept for about 10 minutes, eaten 1/2 her lunch and cried some more. I've asked them to give her some books to read cause she likes them. I hope the latter part of the day goes better for her. The teacher says that all kids have an adjustment period of about a week. I hope she does better. It's hard being at work when I know she's at daycare crying.

Playing Hookie:

We've played hookie from church 2 Sundays in a row now and gone out for a quiet breakfast instead. It's wonderful and the guilt is minimal.. there is still some guilt because we've been blessed so much. Especially in this economy where Tom was laid off and then offered 2 great jobs. Our reason for playing hookie is it's the only truly alone time we get together. My mum watches the babies while we go to mass. She like the idea of us praying and doesn't mind us leaving her with both the kids alone. We don't feel guilty about it cause we're supposed to be at mass so it's official time off. And we've been really good about sticking to the hour. The first Sunday we went to Walker brothers. It used to be our favourite breakfast place. Still is. I almost always eat chocolate and strawberry crepes while Tom has eggs benedict. It was wonderful enjoying an old routine. We tried doing it after Rachael was born, but there's nothing like a crying baby or even worse a restless toddler to ruin a good breakfast. After nana leaves I think we'll have to wait a good couple of years before we try it again. I'm not comfortable with sitters as yet. My babies go to daycare and the idea of leaving them on the weekend with a sitter so I can spend some time with Tom still appalls us. For now we'll be my parents and drag our kids everywhere... Oh hell Rachael has been to hooters twice, and to a bar in bombay.... and she's survived and enjoyed it..lol..all before she turned 2

One Summer Day in Spring

Exhaustion has just set in and I'm crabby. It's been a long day. I have to go easy on myself. It was a wonderful summer day... a treat in spring ... it seemed sinful to stay inside. So we spent all day outside and now we're all exhausted. Rachael went to bed with a scolding :( I have to remember that she's as tired as I am... and as crabby... and I have to be the bigger person .. still it's hard! Some days I just wish she would listen... she does... most of the time... and I have to focus on all the good things she does. She is only 2! Tomorrow I'm going to give her extra hugs. Maybe she'll forgive me for the yellings today. Lawrence is growing wonderfully. Guilt is a funny thing. It doesn't ever let go. I hardly spend much time with Lawrence. I'm so busy trying to make sure Rachael is okay and he's such an unassuming baby. Second babies are wonderful. So much less stressful. Rachael is a wonderful daughter, but she will grow up a high maintenance woman. I think most first kids are. She has all the characteristics... looks to me for approval even when she's playing ... it's so cute... and at the same time she's so independent. I think I will go read some articles on the "2 year old sibling". Oh and weight is going nowhere... I've put it on hold for now.

Quick post today. Current weight this morning was 177.5 which is surprising and motivating. Yesterdat I walked about 2.5 miles in 1 hour. However I ATE a LOT! Drank 1 glass of milk and didn't make it to my needed glasses of water. Today I'm doing better on the water, but nothing so far on the milk. I think I will have milk for dinner tonight. Had a great breakfast today. Chocolate crepes with Tom at Walker brothers. We skipped mass. Tom starts work tomorrow and we needed some alone time, so we went to breakfast. It was wonderful. Especially after the arguments yesterday. Wasn't able to walk much today. Got a 10 minute quick walk around the neighbourhood cause it's cold and rainy. Will try to do more tomorrow.

Starting Point

April 17, 3:30. I've just had my first fat cry. I'm sure there will be many more in the coming weeks, but I'm hoping not as many. I realised something yesterday. I hate taking pictures at the moment because I'm FAT. I've been blaming my mum and tom for it, saying they're bad at taking pics, but then we went through a whole bunch of old pics when I was 135 lbs and I looked gorgeous in pics by the very same people.... so that's the verdict. I hate it when my hair is short and I'm fat. Right now I have both. It's almost 6 weeks now, and I have my appointment with the dr. on Monday, 20th, so I will finally ask him if I can star doing crunches. Over the past days I've played with dieting, and walking but not seriously enough. Today I went to Marshalls and saw all the flab, and felt heart broken. So instead of spending $250 on getting a professional to take our pics so I can look reasonably good I've decided that I'm going to lose weight, grow my hair and then spend the cash on new clothes. YAY. Now I have to figure out a plan. Consistency, routine and not too much. That's what tom said before he went off to the gym. It's the mistake I always make.. trying everything at once. For now I will stick to the following:
Drink 3 glasses of milk a day
Drink 8 glasses of water
Walk for 1 hour.
Take my vitamin and calcium
For now my stats are : Happy weight - 135 : Pre pregnancy weight - 165: Pregnancy Weight - 209 : Current weight - 180. Weight to lose to pre pregnancy: 15 lbs. Weight to lose to happy weight - 45. Good luck to me.